4.14.00
So it's the big day
Tina's 23rd Birthday!!!
I did a lot and it was worth it...
Don't really feel like talking today but everyone does so-
What can you do!
Party was a hit but all of my candles went to waste.
I'm pretty fucked up right now and it's fabulous
I got bit for the 1st time in weeks and it itches so good!
4/20's coming up-
can't wait
So it's the big day
Tina's 23rd Birthday!!!
I did a lot and it was worth it...
Don't really feel like talking today but everyone does so-
What can you do!
Party was a hit but all of my candles went to waste.
I'm pretty fucked up right now and it's fabulous
I got bit for the 1st time in weeks and it itches so good!
4/20's coming up-
can't wait
4.21.00
Just a little note saying how much I loved 4/20!
Tina rolled a goodie & I actually got sick of smoking but-
you know you can't refuse- It's 4/20!
Just a little note saying how much I loved 4/20!
Tina rolled a goodie & I actually got sick of smoking but-
you know you can't refuse- It's 4/20!
It's the 1st of the month...
Wake ↑ 5.1.00
I love Tina.
I love everything about her from the crinkle in her nose that she gets when she's defending what she believes in to the way I can sometimes catch her looking at me like she's looking into my soul
I could love her for the rest of my life and I probably will...
but should I ask her the question
b/c even though I think I know the answer will be good-
I'm not sure I'm ready 4 it and it would be so wrong of me 2 lead her on
Simen...dear, sweet, loving Simen
He is everything I want in a guy-
(the package could be better)
and yet I keep finding reasons why I shouldn't be w/ him
I'M IN L❤VE WITH A...
GIRL!
Wake ↑ 5.1.00
I love Tina.
I love everything about her from the crinkle in her nose that she gets when she's defending what she believes in to the way I can sometimes catch her looking at me like she's looking into my soul
I could love her for the rest of my life and I probably will...
but should I ask her the question
b/c even though I think I know the answer will be good-
I'm not sure I'm ready 4 it and it would be so wrong of me 2 lead her on
Simen...dear, sweet, loving Simen
He is everything I want in a guy-
(the package could be better)
and yet I keep finding reasons why I shouldn't be w/ him
I'M IN L❤VE WITH A...
GIRL!
5.2.00
...Day's like this...
I don't know what 2 do w/ myself...
all day and all night
I wander the halls, along the walls I say to myself I need fuel to take flight...
AND THERE"S TOO MUCH GOING ONNNN!!!!
...Day's like this...
I don't know what 2 do w/ myself...
all day and all night
I wander the halls, along the walls I say to myself I need fuel to take flight...
AND THERE"S TOO MUCH GOING ONNNN!!!!
Told Mom how I felt about everything bothering me and she seems to understand and still insists she's proud of me...
Well, at least someone is and I have to remember to give her a hug and maybe even a 💋 for everything she's done for me
Felt like such shit (literally + physically) and I think I'm doing it to myself
Oh, well.
I'll be home in @ a week and maybe then everything will be better.
I have to try to remember from now on:
Well, at least someone is and I have to remember to give her a hug and maybe even a 💋 for everything she's done for me
Felt like such shit (literally + physically) and I think I'm doing it to myself
Oh, well.
I'll be home in @ a week and maybe then everything will be better.
I have to try to remember from now on:
DON'T JUST GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT OR OFFER TO PAY FOR THEM
At least for awhile because I'm starting to feel used & thats
NO GOOD NO GOOD NO GOOD NO GOOD NO GOOD NO GOOD
NO GOOD NO GOOD NO GOOD NO GOOD NO GOOD NO GOOD
5.10.00
Dream
"the great thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving"
Oliver Wendell Holmes
I leave in @ 2 days and can tell you...
I CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME!
I really need to see my friends and just get back and have fun...
I also wish I was really nice to Mumsie Dearie because she does sooooooooooooooo much for me and I really do
LOVE HER S♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ MUCH!
Dream
"the great thing in this world is not so much where we are, but in what direction we are moving"
Oliver Wendell Holmes
I leave in @ 2 days and can tell you...
I CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME!
I really need to see my friends and just get back and have fun...
I also wish I was really nice to Mumsie Dearie because she does sooooooooooooooo much for me and I really do
LOVE HER S♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ MUCH!
...Later that Night...
Oh, my, God!
I can't believe what just happened
Just heard Clint Black
No Time To Kill...
No time to kill even I said it and probably always will but I can look ahead and see that time is standing still
No time to kill!
Oh, my, God!
I can't believe what just happened
Just heard Clint Black
No Time To Kill...
No time to kill even I said it and probably always will but I can look ahead and see that time is standing still
No time to kill!
Want to call Crystal right now but I lost her #
Molly or Mollineska is the best!
I'm soooooo HAPPY!
Molly or Mollineska is the best!
I'm soooooo HAPPY!
5.31.00
I SENSE A CHANGE
My whole trip 2 Florida was about change
I just realized this
Everything that has happened regarding my whole love life & losing my soul
couldn't have been about everything I thought it was
Everything that I wanted to happen and everything that did happen happened because I wanted it to...
I knew what I was getting into, what would happen and what it would do to me-
and I still allowed it!
I can't be mad and I can't blame them.
They might have used me but I certainly have to be honest
I USED THEM TOO!
Not saying it's right but I have to accept everything that happened...
Learn From It...
and move on.
Now that I know what I know I can begin to change my life and the way I feel...
Ssssoooooo....ANYWAY...
Florida was Amazing-
Even though I felt sick all the time -the tooth
I did catch myself smiling, laughing + talking which is GOOD
My relationship w/ my mother is beginning to turn around
I'd say we're at 200 degrees
The best thing for me at Universal Studio's was T-23D
-funny but when my kids go on that if they still have it they will probably think it's retarded or "old" b/c they'll be so many better things out that they won't care
they'll have it in their room and it'll cost me a fortune but hey...
Anything for the kids
Can't wait to go to Seattle
I SENSE A CHANGE
My whole trip 2 Florida was about change
I just realized this
Everything that has happened regarding my whole love life & losing my soul
couldn't have been about everything I thought it was
Everything that I wanted to happen and everything that did happen happened because I wanted it to...
I knew what I was getting into, what would happen and what it would do to me-
and I still allowed it!
I can't be mad and I can't blame them.
They might have used me but I certainly have to be honest
I USED THEM TOO!
Not saying it's right but I have to accept everything that happened...
Learn From It...
and move on.
Now that I know what I know I can begin to change my life and the way I feel...
Ssssoooooo....ANYWAY...
Florida was Amazing-
Even though I felt sick all the time -the tooth
I did catch myself smiling, laughing + talking which is GOOD
My relationship w/ my mother is beginning to turn around
I'd say we're at 200 degrees
The best thing for me at Universal Studio's was T-23D
-funny but when my kids go on that if they still have it they will probably think it's retarded or "old" b/c they'll be so many better things out that they won't care
they'll have it in their room and it'll cost me a fortune but hey...
Anything for the kids
Can't wait to go to Seattle
6.5.00
Went 2 the dentist
Can we say root canal
No...neither can I
DVD & NEW TV get delivered 2morrow
Yeah!
Can we say root canal
No...neither can I
DVD & NEW TV get delivered 2morrow
Yeah!
|
6.10.00
Can you tell me what's wrong with this picture??? Absolutely Nothing!!!! Just kicking back, taking it E - Z - Y - ! |
3̶:̶4̶5̶ 3:54 AM (can't write) 6.16 no 6.17.00
A little fucked up so bear with me
HAPPY FULL MOON!!!
Had an interesting night w/ Jenelle, Keisha, Keion & Melvin
But of course, full moon nights...
Melvin told me about his beads and what they mean and I've never heard of it but it's definitely true
-if you truly believe in something ...
It does come true for you
-and that's what I love about him
I can certainly see that he's changed but I still see that same old sweet "brother" friend Melvin & that's GREAT!
I'm completely rambling on and anyone who reads this won't understand what I wrote
-neither can I right now
-but I think I know what I'm saying
Hopefully you do too
Miss everyone a lot and I mean everyone I've ever met in my life
Wish I could have a group hug!
Someday...
I think my destiny is to fall in love + be an artist...
basically me
LOVE IS... LOVE!
A little fucked up so bear with me
HAPPY FULL MOON!!!
Had an interesting night w/ Jenelle, Keisha, Keion & Melvin
But of course, full moon nights...
Melvin told me about his beads and what they mean and I've never heard of it but it's definitely true
-if you truly believe in something ...
It does come true for you
-and that's what I love about him
I can certainly see that he's changed but I still see that same old sweet "brother" friend Melvin & that's GREAT!
I'm completely rambling on and anyone who reads this won't understand what I wrote
-neither can I right now
-but I think I know what I'm saying
Hopefully you do too
Miss everyone a lot and I mean everyone I've ever met in my life
Wish I could have a group hug!
Someday...
I think my destiny is to fall in love + be an artist...
basically me
LOVE IS... LOVE!
6.18.00
The Devil Ran Wild...
Now She's Got Hell To Pay
Now She's Got Hell To Pay
Should have been the beginning title
Had an intervention for Lucy w/ Katherine which didn't work
How sad
Don't know what 2 do?
I wish I could help
Give me a sign
PLEASE
She really needs it
Katherine recommends I read
Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
How sad
Don't know what 2 do?
I wish I could help
Give me a sign
PLEASE
She really needs it
Katherine recommends I read
Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
6.23.00
I've developed my 1st roll of film and if I can say so myself it's not too bad
and I finished a painting
All in all I'd say I'm being productive
Yeah!
Anyway can't wait until school starts and I go back to Hawai'i
and I finished a painting
All in all I'd say I'm being productive
Yeah!
Anyway can't wait until school starts and I go back to Hawai'i
6.28.00
|
Oh, look... How Cute A Gummy Rat 4 Me! |
Well these last few days have been a bit hectic if I could say the least
Had a root canal...
Excruciating!
No More Candy 4 Me!
Had a root canal...
Excruciating!
No More Candy 4 Me!
|
|
It's weird but I got this at Erika's house and it describes my year so far
to a tee
It's amazing these transformations that I've been making and the person I'm becoming...
and if I can say so
I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM BECOMING
and guess who I spoke to...
Beth
I really have missed her a lot
and wish that she could forgive me for what I did
-if I could only make her see my side...
maybe things can begin to move forward...
I hope
Pray...
I Wish!
Anyway, I'm pretty much just counting the days until I leave N.Y.
and go back to my home
b/c that's where my ♥ is.
I can't wait to see Tina & Simen...
I miss them more & more everyday
and I hope Simen & I can make some sort of connection
to a tee
It's amazing these transformations that I've been making and the person I'm becoming...
and if I can say so
I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM BECOMING
and guess who I spoke to...
Beth
I really have missed her a lot
and wish that she could forgive me for what I did
-if I could only make her see my side...
maybe things can begin to move forward...
I hope
Pray...
I Wish!
Anyway, I'm pretty much just counting the days until I leave N.Y.
and go back to my home
b/c that's where my ♥ is.
I can't wait to see Tina & Simen...
I miss them more & more everyday
and I hope Simen & I can make some sort of connection
6-29-00
I'm a New Person!
Hey, wanna hear something-
Today, a year ago, I started documenting my life
So I feel I should only let you in on who I am today...
Well...
I started again-
moved to a whole new place, a whole new world,
and began my journey into myself
Spending all that time and I've realized so much about who I am
Why I love people
How good people really are/can be & what I want to do with myself
The drugs definitely had an effect on the voyage of my discovery
-did acid 2 more x and those were the best I've ever had in my life
-I've never felt so in control and looked at things and had it make sense
-the sky never looked so beautiful...
NEXT DAY
Unfortunately my pen kept running out
-we interrupt this moment for a smoke...
pass the dutchie
Today, a year ago, I started documenting my life
So I feel I should only let you in on who I am today...
Well...
I started again-
moved to a whole new place, a whole new world,
and began my journey into myself
Spending all that time and I've realized so much about who I am
Why I love people
How good people really are/can be & what I want to do with myself
The drugs definitely had an effect on the voyage of my discovery
-did acid 2 more x and those were the best I've ever had in my life
-I've never felt so in control and looked at things and had it make sense
-the sky never looked so beautiful...
NEXT DAY
Unfortunately my pen kept running out
-we interrupt this moment for a smoke...
pass the dutchie
Ahhhhhh!
Refreshing...
Well I don't know exactly what's going on
but it feels like for the 1st time I have some real direction in my life
and I did it all by myself-
well that's not entirely true
I do owe it all to everyone for making me feel like I had lost control and needed out-
...
I know what I want to be
An Artist!
Every way shape and form
I want to own a business selling my one of a kind creations
I want to help everyone in any way that I can
(whatever that will be)
and
I just want to enjoy every aspect of living b/c the bottom line is
-that's what we're all here to do
-kind of like a baby, child, who's new to the world, seeing everything for the 1st time, taking it all in, trying to understand,
and seeing such beauty in all of the little things around
I guess that's why I like Simen so much
(and I really hope you don't change your mind and get freaked out)
b/c he's like that
A visionary with such talent and love that it's almost overwhelming
I was thinking something
-I'm really glad that I lost my virginity to Alfred b/c I could really laugh w/ him, and he could just imagine with me, he made me feel comfortable being me and really taught me how to love someone
Without that
-I mean a lot of times I used to wish I didn't but if I hadn't I don't think I would have let someone into me
-i mean really inside, into my mind and just would have shut it off
kind of like I do with sex
I was so afraid to kiss because I didn't know what I was doing
and now I know what I like and realize
I just have to relax
I'm still a bit freaked out ie. Gabriel + Simen
I really should have kissed Gabriel but he just leaned in and was being all lovey-dovey that I freaked out and pushed him away
and I did the same thing with Simen
Relax!
You need to just run w/ the moment
Experience New Things
DARE
TO
LIVE!
Just got a good idea 💡 for a new art project
Yeah...it feels good to express a lot of myself in my art b/c emotions I couldn't talk about, couldn't express
came out in my work
I've learned how to deal w/ people, how to really be myself
and love who I am, and I've got so much more to find out
I'm only 19
The whole world is ahead of me and I feel lucky
Lucky to be alive, lucky to be able to go the places I'm going,
learn exactly who I am and what I can do
-it feels good!
and to be writing a year later and be able to say all of this is a blessing and I'm so happy.
Monique
11:45
6.29.00 but 30 on my watch
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!
heavens _____ _____
humanity _____ _____
earth _____ _____
#2 Soil Mother Earth
Refreshing...
Well I don't know exactly what's going on
but it feels like for the 1st time I have some real direction in my life
and I did it all by myself-
well that's not entirely true
I do owe it all to everyone for making me feel like I had lost control and needed out-
...
I know what I want to be
An Artist!
Every way shape and form
I want to own a business selling my one of a kind creations
I want to help everyone in any way that I can
(whatever that will be)
and
I just want to enjoy every aspect of living b/c the bottom line is
-that's what we're all here to do
-kind of like a baby, child, who's new to the world, seeing everything for the 1st time, taking it all in, trying to understand,
and seeing such beauty in all of the little things around
I guess that's why I like Simen so much
(and I really hope you don't change your mind and get freaked out)
b/c he's like that
A visionary with such talent and love that it's almost overwhelming
I was thinking something
-I'm really glad that I lost my virginity to Alfred b/c I could really laugh w/ him, and he could just imagine with me, he made me feel comfortable being me and really taught me how to love someone
Without that
-I mean a lot of times I used to wish I didn't but if I hadn't I don't think I would have let someone into me
-i mean really inside, into my mind and just would have shut it off
kind of like I do with sex
I was so afraid to kiss because I didn't know what I was doing
and now I know what I like and realize
I just have to relax
I'm still a bit freaked out ie. Gabriel + Simen
I really should have kissed Gabriel but he just leaned in and was being all lovey-dovey that I freaked out and pushed him away
and I did the same thing with Simen
Relax!
You need to just run w/ the moment
Experience New Things
DARE
TO
LIVE!
Just got a good idea 💡 for a new art project
Yeah...it feels good to express a lot of myself in my art b/c emotions I couldn't talk about, couldn't express
came out in my work
I've learned how to deal w/ people, how to really be myself
and love who I am, and I've got so much more to find out
I'm only 19
The whole world is ahead of me and I feel lucky
Lucky to be alive, lucky to be able to go the places I'm going,
learn exactly who I am and what I can do
-it feels good!
and to be writing a year later and be able to say all of this is a blessing and I'm so happy.
Monique
11:45
6.29.00 but 30 on my watch
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!
heavens _____ _____
humanity _____ _____
earth _____ _____
#2 Soil Mother Earth
