10.18.99
So tomorrow's the day-
Are you going to go through with it?
I'm not so sure I can get naked on the internet-
but I give up!
I don't care!
Frankly, my dear, I JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN!
I'll try it and we'll see what's going 2 happen
Hey maybe I am a... dare I say it...
A
S-L-U-T!!!
So tomorrow's the day-
Are you going to go through with it?
I'm not so sure I can get naked on the internet-
but I give up!
I don't care!
Frankly, my dear, I JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN!
I'll try it and we'll see what's going 2 happen
Hey maybe I am a... dare I say it...
A
S-L-U-T!!!
|
11.24.99
Just wanted to add this little note so this book wouldn't seem like all unhappy-ness- I'm happy I mean ecstatic and it's not just the drugs- I'm giving a lot of people a Thanksgiving dinner- who could really use it Yeah! |
Happy Thanksgiving!
11.25.99
Urgh!
Can you see it a-
Beautiful friendships all around
It's amazing
maybe I can be a part of it??
Tina?
11.25.99
Urgh!
Can you see it a-
Beautiful friendships all around
It's amazing
maybe I can be a part of it??
Tina?
Turning 12.4.99 on my watch but it is
Had so much fun tonight! Just had to say that!
It's about fucking time
Tina is the shit.
Glad I wished for a friend.
It's about fucking time
Tina is the shit.
Glad I wished for a friend.
So its 12.17.99
So girlie school is over, this semester flew by and you're flying home tonight.
All in all I'd say these last few weeks-have been fantastic except for minor (failing classes)
difficulties but what can you say...
Gabriel...hmmmmm
We'll have to ponder that one...
Tina-
Whenever I'm ready to give it a try again
and Christian
Well he's Christian & I'm going home!
So girlie school is over, this semester flew by and you're flying home tonight.
All in all I'd say these last few weeks-have been fantastic except for minor (failing classes)
difficulties but what can you say...
Gabriel...hmmmmm
We'll have to ponder that one...
Tina-
Whenever I'm ready to give it a try again
and Christian
Well he's Christian & I'm going home!
12.18.99
On the plane home-
last stop...
all aboard.
Can't FUCKIN' believe I'm going 2 France in @ 2 weeks
Me and Crystal are going 2 have soooo much fun
+ we can get it all on video
Yeah!
I miss everyone already but I'm so EXCITED to get back to my
♥HOME♥
and relax w/ the fam and friends
On the plane home-
last stop...
all aboard.
Can't FUCKIN' believe I'm going 2 France in @ 2 weeks
Me and Crystal are going 2 have soooo much fun
+ we can get it all on video
Yeah!
I miss everyone already but I'm so EXCITED to get back to my
♥HOME♥
and relax w/ the fam and friends
12.22.99
Gabie baybie won't you be my sweetheart tonight
Oh, please
I've been so good so baybie
Gabie
Oh won't you be my sweetheart
TONIGHT!
Crystal comes home tomorrow
Yippiee!
I think Lucie comes back 2 day
I want Gabriel to fall in love w/ me-
or shall I say I wish
Remember his birthday is on the 24th and he'll be 22
and I have to call Jessie too
and Tina-Bena
Oh how I miss them all esp. OodVidar
Gabie baybie won't you be my sweetheart tonight
Oh, please
I've been so good so baybie
Gabie
Oh won't you be my sweetheart
TONIGHT!
Crystal comes home tomorrow
Yippiee!
I think Lucie comes back 2 day
I want Gabriel to fall in love w/ me-
or shall I say I wish
Remember his birthday is on the 24th and he'll be 22
and I have to call Jessie too
and Tina-Bena
Oh how I miss them all esp. OodVidar
12.30.99
I really hate not having $
Day in & day out
I always have to pretend-
Pretend I don't want this and that even when I deserve it.
Well I'm sick of it.
How does she really expect me to go to France with no $-
and she told me not to worry
Ha!
What am I going to do??
I'm sick of worrying about $.
I can't wait until I figure out what I want out of life
Happy 19th Birthday to....Meeeee!!!
I'm so sick of people saying one thing while meaning another
From now on
NO MORE
Lying, stealing, cheating and all the other stuff
b/c I don't like it when it happens to me-
so why do it!?!
I want to live my life without ever being restricted by $
and I never want $ to be something I'm fighting for/with
LET ME HAVE THE STRENGTH TO MOVE PAST THE DEMONS DRAGGING ME DOWN AND LEND A HELPING HAND TO ALL WHO WISH TO FOLLOW!
These are the words I'm promising to come true for the new millenium
HAPPY NEW YEAR
I really hate not having $
Day in & day out
I always have to pretend-
Pretend I don't want this and that even when I deserve it.
Well I'm sick of it.
How does she really expect me to go to France with no $-
and she told me not to worry
Ha!
What am I going to do??
I'm sick of worrying about $.
I can't wait until I figure out what I want out of life
Happy 19th Birthday to....Meeeee!!!
I'm so sick of people saying one thing while meaning another
From now on
NO MORE
Lying, stealing, cheating and all the other stuff
b/c I don't like it when it happens to me-
so why do it!?!
I want to live my life without ever being restricted by $
and I never want $ to be something I'm fighting for/with
LET ME HAVE THE STRENGTH TO MOVE PAST THE DEMONS DRAGGING ME DOWN AND LEND A HELPING HAND TO ALL WHO WISH TO FOLLOW!
These are the words I'm promising to come true for the new millenium
HAPPY NEW YEAR
1.3.00
HAPPY 2000 NEW YEAR!
What a way to spend the day- falling asleep in the passport agency.
Can't believe I'm going to France in @ 2 days
What I want this year 2000...
1. To find path/life goals and ambitions
2. Fall head over heels, madly in love and someone else do the same for me maybe Gabriel/Christian
3. Have no regrets/live my life to the fullest
4. Be happy and smile for the best of myself
5. Do everthing I WANT!
HAPPY 2000 NEW YEAR!
What a way to spend the day- falling asleep in the passport agency.
Can't believe I'm going to France in @ 2 days
What I want this year 2000...
1. To find path/life goals and ambitions
2. Fall head over heels, madly in love and someone else do the same for me maybe Gabriel/Christian
3. Have no regrets/live my life to the fullest
4. Be happy and smile for the best of myself
5. Do everthing I WANT!
1.6.00
In France-
excusez moi
Marceille eating avec Sammy
In France-
excusez moi
Marceille eating avec Sammy
Went-
Va a un discothèque avec Sammy
A whole lot of fun and ran into some so called
"drug dealer" and smoked and he kissed me
Oooh la la-
Sammy was pissed but I ♥ him anyway
Had such a good time and it's only the 2nd day
Magnifique.
Va a un discothèque avec Sammy
A whole lot of fun and ran into some so called
"drug dealer" and smoked and he kissed me
Oooh la la-
Sammy was pissed but I ♥ him anyway
Had such a good time and it's only the 2nd day
Magnifique.
I don't exactly know what day it is b/c I don't have my watch on
How weird
but I keep checking anyway
1-?11?-2000
Smoked some chit...ça m'a coûté 100 francs
C'est trez chère!
Je n'aime pas Sammie et Crystal
Mais je vous amez or aimez
like est more...
Je suis triste
I don't even know what to think
It's all just very strange...
Scruffy-Goldy looks soooo sad and I don't know how to cheer him up
Sounds like me right now
I just don't know what to do
Torn up inside with no place to hide
Wondering why
The sky's so grey and everythings a haze
I'm stuck in a maze with no way out!
I'm trying to fight but it's just no use
It's all just abuse
Deafeningly beating on my head
(good movie on/in English too)
Bye-Bye
How weird
but I keep checking anyway
1-?11?-2000
Smoked some chit...ça m'a coûté 100 francs
C'est trez chère!
Je n'aime pas Sammie et Crystal
Mais je vous amez or aimez
like est more...
Je suis triste
I don't even know what to think
It's all just very strange...
Scruffy-Goldy looks soooo sad and I don't know how to cheer him up
Sounds like me right now
I just don't know what to do
Torn up inside with no place to hide
Wondering why
The sky's so grey and everythings a haze
I'm stuck in a maze with no way out!
I'm trying to fight but it's just no use
It's all just abuse
Deafeningly beating on my head
(good movie on/in English too)
Bye-Bye
1-12-00
So friday the 13th is in @ 2 days
I'm so pissed right now
MY FUCKING INTELLIGENCE beads broke-
What am I to do.-
and if that wasn't the worst of it I got my period today
Why so early??
My beads
My poor beads
I'm so upset
I could cry...if I think about it anymore I will
So a toutaleure!
My beads...
I ♥ed these the best!
So friday the 13th is in @ 2 days
I'm so pissed right now
MY FUCKING INTELLIGENCE beads broke-
What am I to do.-
and if that wasn't the worst of it I got my period today
Why so early??
My beads
My poor beads
I'm so upset
I could cry...if I think about it anymore I will
So a toutaleure!
My beads...
I ♥ed these the best!
I feel the rage
Pulsating through my veins
I can't go on
But yet I must go on
I hear a gong
Purple and pink
Such a perfect link
These beads of power
Suddenly have turned sour
And my mind is just left to wander
And wonder why
I can't say good-bye
And wonder why
My beads of power
are no longer
HERE...
Pulsating through my veins
I can't go on
But yet I must go on
I hear a gong
Purple and pink
Such a perfect link
These beads of power
Suddenly have turned sour
And my mind is just left to wander
And wonder why
I can't say good-bye
And wonder why
My beads of power
are no longer
HERE...
1.24.99 AHHHHHH!!!! Can Somebody HELP me
This certainly puts an End to full moon weekend-
Friday-Camilla's birthday-
Went to Indigo's and a house party
Saturday-moved into our new house, went to Camilla's birthday party came back home and played a fun drinking game
Sunday-went to the beach with Chazz, walked to Tina's and on the way back got lost for @ 5 hours
Let me tell you it was horrible
The feeling of being absolutely and completely lost, alone, scared, in the dark and high does not feel good.
Almost completely lost it but I'm home now and my legs are sore, my feet are raw and I realize it was just my karma coming back full force because I bought that cigarette pack
Tina was worried and I love her for that-at least someone was
Not too sure I will go out of my way-
No I won't even say that because that's who I am.
I'm living a dream life and I have 3 wonderful roommates, guys, and a wonderful house-
Life Is Good
This certainly puts an End to full moon weekend-
Friday-Camilla's birthday-
Went to Indigo's and a house party
Saturday-moved into our new house, went to Camilla's birthday party came back home and played a fun drinking game
Sunday-went to the beach with Chazz, walked to Tina's and on the way back got lost for @ 5 hours
Let me tell you it was horrible
The feeling of being absolutely and completely lost, alone, scared, in the dark and high does not feel good.
Almost completely lost it but I'm home now and my legs are sore, my feet are raw and I realize it was just my karma coming back full force because I bought that cigarette pack
Tina was worried and I love her for that-at least someone was
Not too sure I will go out of my way-
No I won't even say that because that's who I am.
I'm living a dream life and I have 3 wonderful roommates, guys, and a wonderful house-
Life Is Good
I just don't know what to do
I'm feeling so lost and confused
And my minds such a mess
To everyone I confess
Oh I just don't know what 2 do
Please help me find my way home
Back to you and what I knew.
I'm feeling so lost and confused
And my minds such a mess
To everyone I confess
Oh I just don't know what 2 do
Please help me find my way home
Back to you and what I knew.
1.26.2000
Saw my Gabie Baby today
He's oh, sooooo sexy but...
I'm not over Christian yet...
What 2 do, what to do
I think I should tell Christian how I feel regardless of how he feels about me
That way I can move on and I don't want to have sex with Gabriel because he seems like the type that just fucks you and leaves you
I don't really like Tina anymore-
Even though I want her to be my best friend-
She says one thing and means another and never follows through on anything-
Oh well
I certainly can't change her and she'll see in her own time ie. Heather
Living with Fernando is pure Heaven but sometimes I wish we were together but I shouldn't
Art class was so much fun-just what I needed
Saw my Gabie Baby today
He's oh, sooooo sexy but...
I'm not over Christian yet...
What 2 do, what to do
I think I should tell Christian how I feel regardless of how he feels about me
That way I can move on and I don't want to have sex with Gabriel because he seems like the type that just fucks you and leaves you
I don't really like Tina anymore-
Even though I want her to be my best friend-
She says one thing and means another and never follows through on anything-
Oh well
I certainly can't change her and she'll see in her own time ie. Heather
Living with Fernando is pure Heaven but sometimes I wish we were together but I shouldn't
Art class was so much fun-just what I needed
Why am I so afraid
To share my wants and needs w/ you
Why am I so afraid
To be absolutely and completely true
Why am I so afraid
To do the things I want to do...
To you
My hearts been broken in the past
Does love ever really last?
l hope so...
Because, yes, it's true
I'm head over heels and totally in love w/
♥ ♥ YOU ♥ ♥...
To share my wants and needs w/ you
Why am I so afraid
To be absolutely and completely true
Why am I so afraid
To do the things I want to do...
To you
My hearts been broken in the past
Does love ever really last?
l hope so...
Because, yes, it's true
I'm head over heels and totally in love w/
♥ ♥ YOU ♥ ♥...
|
|
1.27.00
Smokin' and drinkin' at Mango's so much fun
I ♥ Craig.
Tina-Bena kissed my breast
♥ her, love Jessie & Camilla and Christian too especially Kurt!
Going to go to Havanah's tonight can't wait going to see
Gaby-Baby ♥ him more
love Hawai'i & everyone in it
everyone is soooo
NICE!!
1 l♥ve
Live
♥
Smokin' and drinkin' at Mango's so much fun
I ♥ Craig.
Tina-Bena kissed my breast
♥ her, love Jessie & Camilla and Christian too especially Kurt!
Going to go to Havanah's tonight can't wait going to see
Gaby-Baby ♥ him more
love Hawai'i & everyone in it
everyone is soooo
NICE!!
1 l♥ve
Live
♥
2.1.00
So here's a brief synopsis of what's been going on...
Went to the back 2 School Party-
Danced like "animal"!
Kissed Gaby-Baby @ 3 times-
soooo good
Kissed Tina...
got molested (sexually assaulted) by Adam, my counselor, in my sleep-
don't want to discuss that
& am on the verge of getting a dog Kela ♥ her soooooo much
So here's a brief synopsis of what's been going on...
Went to the back 2 School Party-
Danced like "animal"!
Kissed Gaby-Baby @ 3 times-
soooo good
Kissed Tina...
got molested (sexually assaulted) by Adam, my counselor, in my sleep-
don't want to discuss that
& am on the verge of getting a dog Kela ♥ her soooooo much
→ BRIEF INTERMISSION ←
What's the deal w/ guys thinking I'm a slut ie. Max and his ton of cash?
Can you believe him telling me that I have to sleep w/ him.
Urgh!
As if!?!
The only person right now that I would definitely sleep w/ was my
Gabie-Baby and maybe-
I said maybe
Tina...
but who knows
Can you believe him telling me that I have to sleep w/ him.
Urgh!
As if!?!
The only person right now that I would definitely sleep w/ was my
Gabie-Baby and maybe-
I said maybe
Tina...
but who knows
→→→→→→→←←←←←←←
Wonder how Gaby-Baby feels about me???
Have 2 find out!
I can't wait until Kela is mine!
I'll be heartbroken if I can't keep her!
Heart Broken I tell you
My ♥ will shatter into a million
PIECES
Have 2 find out!
I can't wait until Kela is mine!
I'll be heartbroken if I can't keep her!
Heart Broken I tell you
My ♥ will shatter into a million
PIECES
|
2.10.00
"Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way at looking at life through the wrong end of the telescope and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." Dr. Seuss "Taking a new step...is what people fear most." Fyodor Dostoevesky "Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes. -Always." Mahatma Gandhi "Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you." Aldous Huxley "The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." Marcel Proust |
February 15, 19→2000
So it's the day after Valentine's day and you didn't have a valentine
Tina went out with Christian and you broke your tooth-
all in all I'd say it was just another-
just another day around the way but I'm feeling good today and it's a lovely day
Tina went out with Christian and you broke your tooth-
all in all I'd say it was just another-
just another day around the way but I'm feeling good today and it's a lovely day
So about Gabriel I still ♥ him and can smell him everywhere I go-
Wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think of him
Who know's?
There's only one way to find out-
ASK!
But do I really want to?
YOU MUST LOVE ME
Did acid again for the 1st time in a very long time w/ Micah + Ryan and you know something?...
It was pretty good, not scary at all-
and the sky, night looked...
Words can't even describe how good it was
By the way Tina has some issues w/ me that we are going to have to deal with
Wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think of him
Who know's?
There's only one way to find out-
ASK!
But do I really want to?
YOU MUST LOVE ME
Did acid again for the 1st time in a very long time w/ Micah + Ryan and you know something?...
It was pretty good, not scary at all-
and the sky, night looked...
Words can't even describe how good it was
By the way Tina has some issues w/ me that we are going to have to deal with
Thank God it's Friday
2.18.00
Sitting on the beach next to my house thinking...
Pondering why I can never keep any l♥ves-
Why is that?
Everyone I have ever liked has left me for someone else
I don't know what it is about Gabriel but I think he's just like all the rest-
just looking to get fucked.
I'm starting to wish that Max called-
at least if I fuck him he'll spoil me rotten-
but do I really want that???
I don't know but it's time for me to make a change in the way I see things-
I need to get myself a whole new set of eyes...
so I can see and focus on the big picture
→We interrupt this to bring you an important message←
I'm DYING of THIRST
but the only thing @ is ocean and I don't like drinking salt H2O
So many sexy guys out here...will anyone notice me???
2.18.00
Sitting on the beach next to my house thinking...
Pondering why I can never keep any l♥ves-
Why is that?
Everyone I have ever liked has left me for someone else
I don't know what it is about Gabriel but I think he's just like all the rest-
just looking to get fucked.
I'm starting to wish that Max called-
at least if I fuck him he'll spoil me rotten-
but do I really want that???
I don't know but it's time for me to make a change in the way I see things-
I need to get myself a whole new set of eyes...
so I can see and focus on the big picture
→We interrupt this to bring you an important message←
I'm DYING of THIRST
but the only thing @ is ocean and I don't like drinking salt H2O
So many sexy guys out here...will anyone notice me???
2.29.00
|
Paka-lolo meaning crazy smoke in HI Smokin' & chillin' w/ Michale Mandy's friend He's so- cool! Hope Lucy comes down for spring break... P.S. I'm over Gabbie-Baybie or at least 1/2 |
3.1.2000
|
I'M A WILD ONE oh yeah! Slept pretty much all afternoon- So I'm wide awake Mom's birthday is in 6 days and I need to ship a gift to her |
|
So I am definitely going to follow this all week |
Saw Gabriel (want to call him gabie-baby but I shouldn't) and didn't even kiss him hello-
His party is on Sat & I don't think I want to go but I probably will. I simply love my art class, it's so- much fun and today I painted the yellow spot and blue spot
His party is on Sat & I don't think I want to go but I probably will. I simply love my art class, it's so- much fun and today I painted the yellow spot and blue spot
|
Reminder: This is a french book that you read and loved as a child Yellow loves blue Blue loves yellow →← They make green |
I think in my painting the yellow spot symbolizes me and how I fall in love too quickly allowing guys to get into my heart too quickly
The blue dot symbolizes the guy-
It seems like he likes me but he's not even attempting to put his all into it
...all of this
& I wasn't even trying!
The blue dot symbolizes the guy-
It seems like he likes me but he's not even attempting to put his all into it
...all of this
& I wasn't even trying!
3.14.00
So, so many things have happened this week that I don't even know where to begin
Here goes...
We threw a rager and the cops came
So many people were there & I got so fucked up!
Lucy came down to visit and I know she had fun-
except for missing her flight & Fernando ripping her off/stealing from her
(Lucy bought all the liquor for the party + Fernando starts charging people to drink, I think perfect...now we can pay her back and he says no claiming it was his idea so he gets to keep all the money...now I have to figure out a way to pay her back...can you believe him?!?)
I got just a little jealous because Fernando & everybody loved her so much
They even love the fact that she is crazy and makes all of these noises...
Aaaarrrggg! Oohhhh! Unnngh!
But I shouldn't because that's ridiculous.
I'm so over Gabriel
and have moved on to this beautiful man with gorgeous green eyes
I can't even remember his name but he says he's seen me b4
Could he be my soul mate?
Who knows-
but this time I have to remember to be nonchalant about it all
Robert is my new ♥
So, so many things have happened this week that I don't even know where to begin
Here goes...
We threw a rager and the cops came
So many people were there & I got so fucked up!
Lucy came down to visit and I know she had fun-
except for missing her flight & Fernando ripping her off/stealing from her
(Lucy bought all the liquor for the party + Fernando starts charging people to drink, I think perfect...now we can pay her back and he says no claiming it was his idea so he gets to keep all the money...now I have to figure out a way to pay her back...can you believe him?!?)
I got just a little jealous because Fernando & everybody loved her so much
They even love the fact that she is crazy and makes all of these noises...
Aaaarrrggg! Oohhhh! Unnngh!
But I shouldn't because that's ridiculous.
I'm so over Gabriel
and have moved on to this beautiful man with gorgeous green eyes
I can't even remember his name but he says he's seen me b4
Could he be my soul mate?
Who knows-
but this time I have to remember to be nonchalant about it all
Robert is my new ♥
Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!
3.20.00 almost 4.20.00
All right so it's not St. Pat's but can I tell you how much fun I had...
Oh My God
and I no longer like Robert
(he's cross eyed)
My new real love is Simen ...Simen Staalnacke...rolls off the tongue
On S.P.D he was feeling in my pants through the cigarette burn & he tap kissed me @ 3 times
Heather can't come down anymore b/c she's afraid to fly
Been feeling very selfish lately and I don't know whether or not it's justified
I wish that Simen became my boyfriend and not just my friend that's a boy!
Please...
Please...
Please!
His mom is even a fashion designer and with his sense of style we're
A PERFECT MATCH!
3.20.00 almost 4.20.00
All right so it's not St. Pat's but can I tell you how much fun I had...
Oh My God
and I no longer like Robert
(he's cross eyed)
My new real love is Simen ...Simen Staalnacke...rolls off the tongue
On S.P.D he was feeling in my pants through the cigarette burn & he tap kissed me @ 3 times
Heather can't come down anymore b/c she's afraid to fly
Been feeling very selfish lately and I don't know whether or not it's justified
I wish that Simen became my boyfriend and not just my friend that's a boy!
Please...
Please...
Please!
His mom is even a fashion designer and with his sense of style we're
A PERFECT MATCH!
|
4.13.00
So I did it!!! I asked Simen out and it was W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L We went to Sony Imax (my 1st time) and saw Fantasia Soooo good! Then we went out to dinner ... |
|
and can I tell you there wasn't one awkward moment and he's easy to talk to.
He's creating his own comic strip, makes his own clothes and is so creative it's unbelievable
Note: His birthday is on February 15th, which makes him an Aquarius and he's 24
One or actually 2 weird things that happened were that his middle name is Alexander
& he has the same dot on the heel of his foot
Who knows what that means?
But I do know this-
Regardless of the fact that he's losing his hair-
I really like him, I really do
-always have and I think I always will
and I just wish that everything always flowed so naturally between us
Everything is going so wonderfully that I'm really and truly happy.
Mom said she's sending me more $$, proud that I want to become an artist and is letting me go anywhere I want for the summer. Life is truly good!
THE ART OF ZEN!
He's creating his own comic strip, makes his own clothes and is so creative it's unbelievable
Note: His birthday is on February 15th, which makes him an Aquarius and he's 24
One or actually 2 weird things that happened were that his middle name is Alexander
& he has the same dot on the heel of his foot
Who knows what that means?
But I do know this-
Regardless of the fact that he's losing his hair-
I really like him, I really do
-always have and I think I always will
and I just wish that everything always flowed so naturally between us
Everything is going so wonderfully that I'm really and truly happy.
Mom said she's sending me more $$, proud that I want to become an artist and is letting me go anywhere I want for the summer. Life is truly good!
THE ART OF ZEN!
