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So Shall It Be

13

🏴‍☠️🧜🏾

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Webs Pierre
a letter to my husband, when we were just dating:

I don’t know what to do or how to express this but here goes.
As the tears fall and my heart tries, attempts to, begs me to not let it fall to pieces. What I wanted to say and failed to seems so irrelevant now that you may have walked again, once more this time, forever? For today? Till next time?
I meant to say, what the root of everything is that I am always saying, I love you.
I love you so much I feel lost when my feelings confuse me I want them to make sense so badly that I muddle my thoughts, mince my words and make me unloveable. I meant to say I love when you call me, when we talk and share our life, goals and aspirations. Loving every sentiment, kind word, loving thought and ode. I feel lost without you by my side, scared of the thought, threat and promise of another lonely night, empty embrace, quiet meal.
I wanted to tell you how much I long for you, how a day without you here with me while being so close feels like agony. When I tell you all that I need, want and crave is YOU I mean it from the depths of my soul. I meant for it to be my true, always present never wavering fact. I say it in the hopes that you will fully and wholeheartedly see clearly how I feel this with every breath, beat and pulse of everything that makes me me.
I should have said thank you and gave into the butterflies in my stomach but instead I yearned for you, nothing more nothing less and expressed that in a haphazard way. I am sorry, not for what I detailed above, but for not being grateful of your kind and generous gifts. Tears flow freely from my eyes at this moment when I think about that statement. I told you I Love You and it is true no matter what I will forever feel this way for you.
You said you loved every bit of me and would die for me. Please don’t give up on me. If you’d die for me why won’t you fight for me, believe in me, be with me and never leave me. My feelings are out of control, often overwhelming, incredibly intense and require a patience I have yet to cultivate all of the time so I do not expect you to be able to do the same. I never want to blame you, cause you frustration and anger I simply try to learn along with you how to own, accept and work through the millions of emotions we all as human beings experience in our lifetime.
I need to be able to work these things out outside of my head but I will try my best to think before I act, say what I mean while always expressing as the root, at the beginning, middle and end how much I love you and want to spend my life trying to make you as happy as you make me feel. You may feel that everything I have expressed in dismay, disappointment and agony would contradict this very notion but I ask you to look into my eyes, my soul, my heart and if you feel I am filled with malice, am too hard, cold and unloveable I will accept your decision and reluctantly move out of your way.
What I want is a partner, what I need is you, what I hope is that you’ll still want me too.
27
Look at that sky...
We are going to make everything we ever dreamed of...
Since the creation box was first opened

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